Alright, here I am. Back on track. Trying to do the daily blog. I must tell you, lately I have really been thinking and I am full of fear and doubt. I am writing much later than I had intended to, so I am going to just hit on what I am thinking. I am terrified of me, my life and who I am. What if I am not enough? Am I talented? Do people care? I am alone, I don't have any money and for the first time in my life I am left with me. Somehow I am not comforted by that realization.
All I know is that I feel like I am in a world of shit.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Day No. 32 Happy Birthday Lizzie!!!! The big 15! I love you!!
Today is my daughter's 15th b-day, where has all the time gone? I love you Lizzie Lou. Off to work and more tomorrow.
Day No. 31
I am feeling better today, I have calmed down a bit. I am still sickened by the fact that I saw that awful woman. It was bad timing. just an hour before my bf told me that her niece showed up at her house with her toddler and baby the day before. Of course my friend wanted to see the kids and it was an emotional visit, it was the first time she had seen the kids, ever, so I know she was happy, but cautious, or so she told me in the conversation. I didn't expect the ill-bred tramp that day right after I heard she had been at my friend's house. Obviously there is more to the story, so here goes.
A couple of years ago, I started going through a rough time. It started about roughly the end of 2007 , beginning of 2008. Also during that time I had started putting on weight, it was like I was on a opposite diet. Instead of the less I eat the more weight I lose, it was the less I eat the more weight I put on, I had ended a relationship and I felt like crap. My best friend has a coffee shop that I went to everyday and we would talk, sometimes for hours and other times just for an hour. There are several people that go in there on a regular basis so it is almost like a little community. During the time I was beginning to hit a wall, my bf's mom was in the process of moving in with her and her sister. My bf sister lives in Texas with her husband and daughter, so they had come to Chicago to figure out the situation with her mom. At that time the niece, moved to Chicago. Now, I had met this girl a couple of times and she seemed okay. She was very thin, with capped teeth, a long face and she was very loud. Her parents are well to do, so you would come to the conclusion that perhaps she was spoiled and that could explain some of her behavior. She was not right, too old to behaving the way she did, but it is my best friend's niece, so she was tolerable.
After the niece moved to Chicago she came to the coffee shop just about everyday. She was very loud, crazy loud, the kind of loud you know people are doing for attention and they think they are so funny, cute and witty but they really obnoxious. In talking to her it seemed she knew everything and that her word was gospel. . I think back to that time and I can see it in my mind, God, just writing about her is uncomfortably exhausting.
After she had been here a little bit, I was beginning to sense that she wasn't to keen on me, but that was okay, because I didn't care about her, she was nothing to me. I could see that my bf was uncomfortable too. We talked and I told her that I was fine, it would all work out and not to worry. Boy, was I wrong.
The niece started coming in the shop all the time, she went out of her way to make me feel unwelcome as well as uncomfortable. When she came in and I was there she would give me dirty looks, then sit down a seat away from me and slam her stuff down. I would talk and she interrupt me then start speaking in Greek. She would be so loud it was awful. Even when my daughter was with me she went out of her way to be rude. I wanted to be a good example for my child and not respond to her actions. She ran other customers out because she was so loud and spoke in Greek, when anyone started to talk to her aunt, she would interject in Greek. It was so ill-mannered. Ugh! I can picture her smug, ugly face and hear her voice, I have a headache now.
She was putting so much pressure on my bf to stop talking to me and hanging around with me it was sad. I could see the strain on my bf, she would just shake her head at me when her niece came in. If my bf talked about me and the niece was there she would start in about me. This woman was so childish and bad-mannered. Her behavior was bad it made you wonder if something was mentally wrong with her and why didn't her parents help her, after all her father is a physician. I also thought what kind of mother raises a person like this. Up until that time, with the exceptions of a marriage or two, she lived with her parents, now they knew how she behaved. Maybe they were tired though, just because someone needs help, if they are of legal age you can't force them to take it.
Finally after a few months of this our friendship was beginning to feel the strain. I went into the shop one day and Maggie, the niece was sitting near the coffee bar with a few other patrons. Every time I spoke she was rude, she would maneuver in front of me so I could not sit down. My best friend said nothing. Not a word. Not one word.
I was crushed. I was so hurt. I thought of my daughter and my eyes welled up. My daughter loved my best friend, what would she think if she saw this. I knew right then and there everything had changed and I was not coming back.
I could no longer put with this nut in my life, even though this two-bit tramp was a small part of my day, my bf was a huge part of my life. Unfortunately they were related. I also realized our friendship didn't warrant my bf sticking up for me and taking a stand for our friendship by telling her niece enough was enough. On that day I saw where I stood, and it was alone.
I also knew that I was so angry that I needed to leave the situation. I did not want my child to see any more of the behavior from the niece and from my bf. If it was upsetting confusing for me, it would be even more confusing and upsetting to her. So I left and never went back. Without my knowing it, I had taken one of the first steps to getting better.
A couple of years ago, I started going through a rough time. It started about roughly the end of 2007 , beginning of 2008. Also during that time I had started putting on weight, it was like I was on a opposite diet. Instead of the less I eat the more weight I lose, it was the less I eat the more weight I put on, I had ended a relationship and I felt like crap. My best friend has a coffee shop that I went to everyday and we would talk, sometimes for hours and other times just for an hour. There are several people that go in there on a regular basis so it is almost like a little community. During the time I was beginning to hit a wall, my bf's mom was in the process of moving in with her and her sister. My bf sister lives in Texas with her husband and daughter, so they had come to Chicago to figure out the situation with her mom. At that time the niece, moved to Chicago. Now, I had met this girl a couple of times and she seemed okay. She was very thin, with capped teeth, a long face and she was very loud. Her parents are well to do, so you would come to the conclusion that perhaps she was spoiled and that could explain some of her behavior. She was not right, too old to behaving the way she did, but it is my best friend's niece, so she was tolerable.
After the niece moved to Chicago she came to the coffee shop just about everyday. She was very loud, crazy loud, the kind of loud you know people are doing for attention and they think they are so funny, cute and witty but they really obnoxious. In talking to her it seemed she knew everything and that her word was gospel. . I think back to that time and I can see it in my mind, God, just writing about her is uncomfortably exhausting.
After she had been here a little bit, I was beginning to sense that she wasn't to keen on me, but that was okay, because I didn't care about her, she was nothing to me. I could see that my bf was uncomfortable too. We talked and I told her that I was fine, it would all work out and not to worry. Boy, was I wrong.
The niece started coming in the shop all the time, she went out of her way to make me feel unwelcome as well as uncomfortable. When she came in and I was there she would give me dirty looks, then sit down a seat away from me and slam her stuff down. I would talk and she interrupt me then start speaking in Greek. She would be so loud it was awful. Even when my daughter was with me she went out of her way to be rude. I wanted to be a good example for my child and not respond to her actions. She ran other customers out because she was so loud and spoke in Greek, when anyone started to talk to her aunt, she would interject in Greek. It was so ill-mannered. Ugh! I can picture her smug, ugly face and hear her voice, I have a headache now.
She was putting so much pressure on my bf to stop talking to me and hanging around with me it was sad. I could see the strain on my bf, she would just shake her head at me when her niece came in. If my bf talked about me and the niece was there she would start in about me. This woman was so childish and bad-mannered. Her behavior was bad it made you wonder if something was mentally wrong with her and why didn't her parents help her, after all her father is a physician. I also thought what kind of mother raises a person like this. Up until that time, with the exceptions of a marriage or two, she lived with her parents, now they knew how she behaved. Maybe they were tired though, just because someone needs help, if they are of legal age you can't force them to take it.
Finally after a few months of this our friendship was beginning to feel the strain. I went into the shop one day and Maggie, the niece was sitting near the coffee bar with a few other patrons. Every time I spoke she was rude, she would maneuver in front of me so I could not sit down. My best friend said nothing. Not a word. Not one word.
I was crushed. I was so hurt. I thought of my daughter and my eyes welled up. My daughter loved my best friend, what would she think if she saw this. I knew right then and there everything had changed and I was not coming back.
I could no longer put with this nut in my life, even though this two-bit tramp was a small part of my day, my bf was a huge part of my life. Unfortunately they were related. I also realized our friendship didn't warrant my bf sticking up for me and taking a stand for our friendship by telling her niece enough was enough. On that day I saw where I stood, and it was alone.
I also knew that I was so angry that I needed to leave the situation. I did not want my child to see any more of the behavior from the niece and from my bf. If it was upsetting confusing for me, it would be even more confusing and upsetting to her. So I left and never went back. Without my knowing it, I had taken one of the first steps to getting better.
Days No. 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, & 30 Self-Worth
Hello!!!
I am alive & well. I finally got some good rest and I am ready and rearing to go. Last Friday I laid down for a nap at 2:00 p.m. and I woke up at 11:00 a.m. on Saturday morning. Now that you know what happened and I am on this side of the dirt, I will get down to the nitty gritty.
As I write this my stomach is in a knot. I have been faced with the inevitable and I don't know how to handle the situation. I ran into a ill-bred woman who was responsible for a break of a friendship that was very dear to me, I considered this woman to be a best-friend, but the ill-bread woman is her niece, and caused a tremendous amount of trouble between us, hence we stopped talking.. Since the break my bf has stopped talking to her niece due to something else. My friend and I are now talking and the ill-bred woman started talking to my bf again and today she came into her establishment. I was there and I saw her, I had to leave there so fast because the amount of anger I felt was over-whelming.
Gotta go, I have to calm down.
I am alive & well. I finally got some good rest and I am ready and rearing to go. Last Friday I laid down for a nap at 2:00 p.m. and I woke up at 11:00 a.m. on Saturday morning. Now that you know what happened and I am on this side of the dirt, I will get down to the nitty gritty.
As I write this my stomach is in a knot. I have been faced with the inevitable and I don't know how to handle the situation. I ran into a ill-bred woman who was responsible for a break of a friendship that was very dear to me, I considered this woman to be a best-friend, but the ill-bread woman is her niece, and caused a tremendous amount of trouble between us, hence we stopped talking.. Since the break my bf has stopped talking to her niece due to something else. My friend and I are now talking and the ill-bred woman started talking to my bf again and today she came into her establishment. I was there and I saw her, I had to leave there so fast because the amount of anger I felt was over-whelming.
Gotta go, I have to calm down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)